Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you
Ephesians 4
In a world where politics can dictate the fate of humanity, it is deeply worrying that forgiveness and politics do not resonate, they are not bedfellows. We live at a time when destroying your opponent or competition is more palatable than forgiving their mistake and giving them a second chance.
Nations have gone to war and seen thousands killed simply because they could not forgive a wrong and find a better way of engaging. When terrorists attacked the USA on September 11, 2001 rather than launch an attack, we can only wonder what the world would feel like today if the perpetrators had been forgiven whilst justice was pursued. We can only imagine what our world would look like today.
We think that forgiveness is a weakness, but it’s absolutely not; it takes a very strong person to forgive. T. D. Jakes
The Christian theologian Paul the apostle writing to the early church in Ephesus said to them Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life Ephesians 4:26-27
Paul wanted people to know forgiveness is good for them.
BEFORE MARRIAGE
DISCUSS: Can you think of anything you forgave your partner for which you never told them about before you got married?
People say love is blind or maybe when we fall in love with someone we deliberately choose to ignore annoying habits we see in them. It is important that we cultivate relationships where people can be their authentic selves. One of the main ways we can do that is by creating an environment where forgiveness is readily available.
Transparency is an attitude that if we learn in the developmental stages of our relationship it would serve us well as we progress. When we create a template of forgiveness it enables our true identity to emerge.
THE IMPACT OF FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness has transformative power. In the story of the prodigal son told by Jesus Christ in the Christian bible, we see a young man who thought he knew better than his family. He found the family business and home life restrictive, so he devised a plan to ask for his inheritance and walked away to pursue his own dreams.
Unfortunately because he lacked the skill to make riches, he did not have the wisdom to keep it and soon he found himself with no friends, food or resources. In a moment of clarity he remembered home and made his journey back while rehearsing his confession.
This young man could not have imagined the reception he received when he returned. His father, knowing that his son has now acquired a valuable life lesson, extends forgiveness rather than rebuke, love rather than anger and compassion rather than accusation.
We read and tell the story hundreds of years after it was first told and it resonates with our deepest needs. Who will forgive me when I get it wrong? When we are pardoned we have the opportunity to progress and that is why forgiveness is vital to any relationship.
UNFORGIVENESS
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9
Sadly so many relationships break up or are stifled because faults are not forgiven but stored away and weaponised for future use. Unfortunately when that attitude exists within a relationship, the opportunity for transparency decreases and intimacy is lost.
Unless you are married to Jesus, the need for forgiveness should be ever present in any relationship simply because we are all fallen and even those who are followers of Jesus would still be classified as fallen but redeemed individuals.
Developing a lifestyle of forgiving means we never allow issues to fester and grow into something that they are not. When we do not practice forgiveness then we leave ourselves vulnerable; either we have become uncaring or we have developed an attitude that weaponises situations and uses it to hit back. Unforgiveness will have a corrosive effect on any relationship and create distance rather than closeness.
THE CHALLENGE
Take time to have a heart to heart conversation on anything that is an issue of frustration, any hurts that have lingered and practice forgiveness with each other. If you have a faith and pray, bring God into this situation and ask for his help as you move forward in your relationship.
The Christian author C.S. Lewis said “To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
Forgiveness is good for you so “Be Forgiving”
